She walks into my life unannounced and I am surprised by our connection. I have noticed her but from afar. She is dancing around in my energy all day and I want to be near her, but feel challenged to let go completely. I have letting go of my grief and my tears spill like rivers into the vast ocean.

She reminds me of a shaman a medicine woman and I feel safe as she hugs me opens me to the expansiveness inside me. She is hungry and empty in the same space and I want to feel her near me. I slow down because I realize that I want to experience each moment as we remember each other. I vaguely remember seeing her in a dream I had. She watches me as I move and I enjoy her eyes taking me in. She shares her enthusiasm with me and I feel illuminated, loved.

The recollection of thought, touch, sequence seep into my space and I realize that she may be a space I open in, I fall to feel the ground beneath me. I feel energized by her words and inspired to write to encourage the best in me to show up and greet her.

I feel I have something in me to give her and she has something in her to gift me as well. We wake up in the same space conscious of one anothers healing process. We slow down to meet each other as we walk, taking our time to notice flow, presence, being in an experience.

She manages her space delicately and I know something amazing is happening in my sphere and I am awake to experience it fully bloom. My life has been filled with gifts from an abundant universe and I am honored to be of service and to bow to ancient knowing within me.

It had taken so long to get here and as I feel my soul on earth I bring heaven to earth, I surrender to spirit expressing majesty through me. I am loved and loving. I am home inside my body and my words are powerful as I charge them with heart energy.

My work is to transmute the will to escape into one of empowerment.

To escape is to avoid resist invalidate the presence of being in a moment to inhale it deeply so that the lessons that come forward enable me to expand to enhance the way I am in the world with myself.

Most of my life has been spent running, hiding, escaping the inevitable feeling of being human. I did not want the responsibility to engage and maintain what my heart yearned to experience. I dared believe what my eyes glimpsed from time to time.

I watch my children fragile in their humaness yet powerful in being when they are present. It is like my own journey I witness when I am with them. They inspire me to dig deeper because without my own ground I cannot hold space for them, for myself. What if there is just a space to grow in and nothing else exists?

It is her last day with Adam and her breath feels a little short. She has worked with his entire family in the comfort of their home. She has seen him go from few words to many. He now can tell her about his whole day if he choses. She meditates to tune into her breath and she relaxes into the emotion she is feeling barely, not quite knowing the boundary between professional and her heart. She loves him and is sad that she will no longer hang out in his presence. She leaves early to buy him a gift. She buys him a cool cars book because he enjoys cars. He really likes watching the wheels spin when he is left alone. She writes her appreciation for him inside the book and arrives early to greet him. He is happy to see her. She tells him about the book and he is excited. He snugs in next to her and she and he find missing items in the "I spy" book. His older brother comes in. She will miss him too. They play for several hours and the day passes slowly. She notices her resistance to the day ending and her willingness to let go in the same breath. He tells her he is done and wants to play by himself. She allows space for him to be alone. He begins stimming on wheels, watching wheels spin around and around. She redirects him and he gets frustrated with her. She does not realize until the day is complete that he is emotional that she is leaving. He is sad that this is her last day. She is sad that this is her last day. He begins a loud cry, calling her annoying. He wants her to leave now. She tells him as best she can that she will miss him. She hugs his mother to model an option for saying goodbye. He gives her a resistant hug and she leaves him alone. Inside she feels sad because she envisioned a different ending, a gentle goodbye, a happy goodbye. This was a challenge that she had sometimes, wanting goodbyes to be pleasant and neatly packaged when they were not always this way. She had experienced many ways of saying goodbye. His baby brother had given her the hug she had wanted. He had laid in her arms for several seconds clearly aware of her departure. He was only two. She wished Adam could experience this same connection with her, with someone and per haps one day he would. She accepted his goodbye in the moment and cried when she got home. She would miss the feel of the house on the corner where the golden light of the evening shimmered radiate beams onto the trees just in front of the house. She would miss their walks, interesting conversations, and his creative questions like "where is the middle of nowhere?".

He looks at me puzzled by the thought of the middle of nowhere. I wonder where this thought came from, was born at. Where is the middle of nowhere, he asks. I look at him and say honestly I have to think about where the middle of nowhere is in order to descibe the sense of it. Inside I feel inspired to investigate the meaning of the middle of nowhere and this concept I have never questioned thought of. How do I explain a concept that is novel to the mainstream population. These probing questions give me opportunity to explore what I have sometimes taken for granted, to witness the inside of a world I may have never seen had I not experienced a question such as this one and investigated with thoughtful embrace.

The Christmas holidays come and I take a trip out to Joshua tree with a group of adventurous friends looking to embrace the divine experience of transmuting energy and sensing the presence of the divine. We visit a place called the "Integratron", a place built many years ago by a scientist who found a energy vortex that intersected at midpoints in the earth that created a vibrational field that allowed the energetic field of attracting through a high concentration of energy magnetic; so that thoughts and words are magnified in this particular energy field. Inside this dome of deep space, wooden ceiling and floors, musical instruments and tiny window circling high beams there is a penetrating energy we find our natural ability to soak a sense of feeling highly connected. We float around in the air as if it were free of gravity. We sense the power of bending time and shuffling dimensions that form magic loop holes in a conscious moment. The night leads us to a skylight by a full moon energizing the waking eyes to the world of the invisible, to the planet venus and mars and saturn.

After a night of camping out inside the dome we visit the big rock where they say the neptunians hang out. I am sitting in a space vast and open where there is only dirt and rocks and sky and tumbleweeds and as I feel the rock beneath me I look around and realize that this is the middle of nowhere. The middle of nowhere is a place that begins inside and translates outside where it may be given tangible expression. Outside I experience the space of little or none of the things human beings create in the idea of technology. Is the middle of nowhere a place where there is little human creation, where there are no cars, smog, telephone poles, streets, buildings, houses, and people? There are some footprints in the dirt and a some paint on the rocks, very few demonstrations that human beings have been here, live here. I see nature all around me and feel the silence deep and vibrating as we yell into the silence. There are seven of us and we scream as loud as we can to hear the voice of our echoes ripple around the big rocks.

At the end of our journey together, we meet at the end of a road that breaks off into four forks. I decide to take a picture to show my kid the space that represents the middle of nowhere. I wonder in his sensitivity would this be a place he could relax and feel all the energy that moves through him.

He is a sensitive kid and does not like loud sounds and people talking and telephone wires buzzing cars zooming by buildings blocking streets paving a way for the cars rules and regulations necessary social graces and ways of being in order to be accepted. Would he be freer in the middle of nowhere? In a space where human contact is minimal where nature is vast and the creatures of the wild roam free. I sense a yearning for freedom in his question. I sense a seeking of silence within a world moving fast a willingness to slow down to hear the water fall to listen to the footsteps of sand crunching beneath a shoe to hear a bird landing on a branch nearby. The world demanding in many ways that one conform and become apart of the cluttered space somewhere in the mist of nowhere in particular.

In essence I explore this question as a way of finding my peace in the vast space of being in the middle of nowhere sometimes from once space into another...

He likes bananas. He learned to say "nana". When I spin him around he hold my gaze for several seconds and I remember how amazing it is to love. I loved him when I first met him. He stood by the fireplace studying me. Wondering what I was there for. I talked to him and gave him space to come to me. I spent 2 hours with him and the time sailed by with ease. I love this little kid and it was just automatic. I love when this happens. By the end of our day together he was sitting on my lap listening to a story, wanting me to carry him on my back. I like the sounds that come from him. They are primitive, the beginning of something. It has been years since I have worked with non-verbal children and I am now remembering the gift they share. Because their words are not yet formed they speak with their expression, their grunts, their eyes, their proximity. They take more in than we know and process it through their own awareness. I enjoy being in this kids space, with no words he teaches me something profound about energy. We communicate all day with sounds that carry energy that are not yet words. He likes when I sing and later hums the tunes I have sang him. I am grateful to have a gift to give. All my life I have just wanted to share the abundance inside of me. I have a lot of it. When I love it feels so good and when I am able to give it and receive it the flow is infinite and I can relax in it. These children are teaching me how to be present and I am showing up. I am realizing the treasures found in a moment. Inside me I feel like I have so many children and I get to share quality space with all of them through my work. I am experiencing the quote "Work is love made visible". Even when my life is off set I am able to come to work and feel at home because I am in my space. The space is sometimes challenging and there are many opportunities that present themselves as I open to the flow of being a student of life. God is in everything and thus I am in everything and everything is in me.

Namaste